Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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