I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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