I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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