I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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