On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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