I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm both gender and math confused
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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