so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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