What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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