I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize