Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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