She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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