It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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