I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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