Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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