What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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