Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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