He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
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I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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