just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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