I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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