i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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