when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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