Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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