Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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