Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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