Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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