There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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