I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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