I cannot find my penis.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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