You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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