and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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