when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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