btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize