I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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