oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize