I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize