ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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