talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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