Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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