You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize