He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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