**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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