More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize