My friends, they love my intelligence
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Found the puke drawer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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