Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I met the friendliest cop last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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