stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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