I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize