my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize