She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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