This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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