So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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